elliewood | Jan. 31st, 2016

That smell that smell ahh God summer days hiding in the orchard until it's too dark to see the words winter nights hiding under the covers with a Cub Scout lantern fingers smearing the pages creasing tearing oops sorry not really because now it's mine it has my marks on it binding rough under my fingertips paper smooth breathe in the smell feel the

And just like that he's right next to me, a book in his hands too, flipping through the pages. I didn't even hear him come up. First thing I do is turn the tap all the way off; I don't know if he'll be able to hear my thoughts so I figure I should play it safe.

"Have you found anything of interest to you?"

I want them all I'll max out my credit chip put up a whole new wall of shelves in the study install a dehumidifier hermetically seal them wear surgical gloves to touch them read them own them all of them fuck yeah

"Yeah, one or two things."

But when I turn my head to look at him, I can see he knows what I'm feeling, and I double-check that tap to make sure he isn't getting his intel from my head. Turns out he isn't.

"I understand; the Captain Kirk of my timeline also delighted in books such as these. We often spent our off-duty evenings reading together, although at that time I preferred the efficiency of PADDs. But now I find myself drawn to those things he cherished. It pleases me immensely that you should cherish them as well."

It's easier not to look at him, so I look back down at the books and run my fingers over them, trying to decide which one to get, and what to ask him.

"What did, you know, what did your family think? Of him, I mean. Did they like him?"

Way to sound like a big pussy Kirk Jesus fucking Christ

"My mother was particularly fond of the captain. My perception was that she saw him as the son she would have liked to have had; I believe she appreciated those qualities in him that I as a Vulcan was unable to demonstrate. I can confess now to some envy at her approval of him."

Okay that's pretty cool point me

"And your father?"

"That was a more complicated situation. My father and I were estranged for many years over my decision to enter Starfleet rather than pursue a career with the Vulcan Science Academy. At the time, I doubt I would have been able to detect anything in him other than disapproval of my choices."

Choices of choices of what friends boyfriends life partners fuck buddies what what what

"Your choices of...?"

"Career, primarily, as he perceived Starfleet to be militaristic and therefore at odds with the Vulcan pacifist philosophy. His censure of Starfleet, unfortunately, extended toward its personnel, at least those with whom I was well acquainted. He did maintain a cordial relationship with Doctor McCoy, I believe because he sensed the good doctor's commitment to healing and preserving life in all its forms."

Very diplomatic answer good job Ambassador but I can read sure as fuck between those lines look at the book put it down pick up another one OOH I want this one don't look up don't be a douche

"So he didn't like me back then, either. The other me."

"He had a great deal of respect for the captain. He merely disagreed with his choice of employers, as he did mine. And Jim, bear this in mind. This Sarek is not the man who was my father. He has suffered a tremendous loss, one that would have been greater were it not for the actions of your ship, your crew, and yourself. He owes much to Starfleet and its personnel in this universe; it is logical to assume that his attitudes toward them will differ from those of my own father."

Doesn't look that way okay time to ask were you and he

No don't bad idea

"Why do you think Spock didn't tell him we were coming? Why would he hide that fact?"

"I do not know specifically. The circumstances under which my Enterprise friends first visited Vulcan were sufficiently dissimilar from the current situation that I have no frame of reference from my own experience to account for his behavior. He is younger now than I was then, and perhaps youth can be offered as an explanation for many illogical decisions. But I can tell you that my relationship with my own father was strained to the point that, were I to have brought the captain to my home in the same context in which Spock brought you here, I would confess to a great deal of trepidation surrounding that meeting. It is indeed a great joy that Sarek and I are close now, when each of us is different enough from the other's experience to eliminate much...discomfort."

were you

did you feel did he

"Did he ever...did he get to like me better, you know, as time went on?"

And Spock closes the book and puts his hand flat on the cover and looks down and pauses for a few seconds before answering so I know it's going to be exactly what I don't want to hear.

"Again, the circumstances of his interactions with the captain were rather different, and, due to the events in this timeline, impossible to replicate. That being said, I do not mind telling you that, in my own lifetime, there was a period of time when I was lost, in many ways, in many meanings of that word. Jim risked much to find me and bring me back. And Sarek knew of his effort and, I believe, was grateful for it."

And he reaches for my hand to take the book I picked out, and his fingers brush against mine very lightly, and I look up, into his eyes, and they're older and dimmer but still the same, and I don't know how much time has passed before I realize the tap is open all the way, the thoughts gushing out like fucking Niagara Falls, and I don't even know how to turn them off now, and it's a horrible thing but I'm not even sure I want to.